Surgery Day.

So, it has been a little over a month since my surgery meaning I am a little behind in blog world. I thought I should back up and map out the day that started it all for me. As I said earlier, I started this journey back in December of 2009 but my insurance made me wait until July to have the surgery. While it seems somewhat ridiculous to jump through the hoops of an insurance company, the time actually solidified my desire for the surgery and allowed me to come to grips with what I was about to do.

During the waiting phase nothing terribly interesting occurred. I met with nutritionist, got my medical records from years back, had my heart checked out, and finally had my head shrunk. I was probably most nervous about the psychological clearance as I do have a couple of ghosts in my closet I thought would get me kicked out for sure. First, during college I spent two years starving myself, taking diet pills, and throwing up my food. I have since stopped those awful behaviors but I was worried that the psychologist would not believe my reasoning. Basically I stopped the binging cycle because it interfered with my college drinking and fun (not a great or therapeutic reason but it worked for me). Second, since my father was a victim of malpractice at the time of his own weight loss surgery, I was afraid my issues surrounding his surgery and death would lock me out for sure.  After all, who wants to perform surgery on a girl who had to be tranquilized for two years after her father’s death? It turns out I didn’t have anything to worry about though as my psychologist spent the entire visit talking about himself.

Clearances made and visits crossed off the list, I headed into surgery. The time it took to get to that point allowed me to mentally prepare for the surgery as well as enlist two very close friends to be by my side. I decided early on not to include my family (which will totally be the subject of another post) and I tried to keep this as something I did for myself. The two friends I chose respected that about me and were therefore perfect for the job of “not” holding my hand on the big day – they drove and watched TV with me. It seems weird to some that this is something that I would want to do alone but I think it speaks to who I am. Independence is one of my greatest accomplishments and my most coveted virtue and I wasn’t about to let that go because of weight. I felt that while size could change a number of things about me, it would not encroach on my independence.

The weeks before surgery were spent on a low carbohydrate diet (which made me miss fruit like none other) and cleaning up the house in anticipation of some post surgery lounging. The day before surgery I was so flustered to get things done that I actually went about town (including my whole pre-surgery check in) while wearing my dress inside out. On the day of surgery (weight at 283 lbs. BTW), my friend drove me down to the hospital and sat with me during the prep time. I remember feeling uncomfortable in the hospital gown and embarrassed about my size as I lay, basically, naked in the surgery prep room. Then I thought to myself that this would be the last time when I felt like that, and it was a really good feeling. When the anesthesia started, I did have a bit of a freak out (only in my inner monologue) but I was able to talk myself down and relax.

The next thing I know I am out of surgery and watching others around me coming out from the same procedure. I remember trying to be super polite to the nurses as I was a little worried that the drugs would make me mean (I apparently yelled at my mom when I got my wisdom teeth out at age 18). We made it back to my prep room where they let me put on pants (yay pants) and spent the next hour joking with my two friends who were somewhat saddened that I wasn’t out of it and spilling all my darkest secrets. I was so relieved that I had all my mental capacities – I guess I had been afraid all along of losing control so it was a boon to know I was alert after surgery.

In fact, I spent the whole day alert. They told me I would probably sleep the day away but I had to pee so often from that darn IV drip that sleep never really took hold. I paced around my apartment while gossiping with my friends. Maybe this was a good thing because I didn’t get the shoulder pain that everyone at my doctor’s office and online had warned me about. Overall, I really had it pretty easy. I spent about two days using cold packs which helped with swelling and was able to manage the pain without the drugs. AND I never had to use the prescription they gave me for nausea which was a real boost as I wasn’t real keen on sticking things up my heiney. I did have a low grade fever for about two weeks but that was the extent of the negatives coming off my surgery.

In the meantime, I was losing weight. I weigh myself on the Wii balance board and even though I hate that little animated scale I was so happy that every day it was registering less and less weight. I spent the first two weeks with no hunger and the next two after that with a great feeling where I could be full from very, very, small portions. I had three run-ins with side effects, the first being gas – like an alien baby gas – that made me feel like a moonbounce. That was taken care of, for the most part with Gas-X and Gaviscon. The second was constipation which I also fixed with drugs (Walgreen loves me by the way). The third was that I spent two nights finally feeling the referred pain in my shoulder. This freaked me out a bit and it really helped to visit other peoples blogs and online forums to know I wasn't alone in this and that I was still normal. After a couple of days it subsided for the most part. I felt good and headed off to Washington DC three weeks after surgery (weight 270 lbs.) to visit with friends and get on with my life.

I am now at the point where I have lost that first feeling of fullness, even after my first fill, and have come to a baby plateau of weight stabilization. I have even spent a couple of days where I was gaining weight.  I know this time will pass as well and the weight will come off eventually. In the meantime, I just think of those first couple of weeks where the band was doing all it had promised. Those weeks make me think I did the right thing and that I did the right thing in my own way.